Engaging with Ageing - all about the book

A version of this article originally appeared in the Nov/Dec 2022 edition of the journal Comet.

Recently, I heard the phrase “Stand up and speak out”. And I realised that that is exactly what I’m doing with my book, Engaging with Ageing: What matters as we grow older. I’m standing up and speaking out in my way, by writing about what I feel passionate about. And that is to give a reality check to what growing older – and old – is all about.

And what that is, as I see it, is as just another stage of life, with its particular ups and downs, no better and definitely no worse than any other stage that we’ve lived through. And so, through my book, I wanted to counteract all the anti-ageing and ageism that we see far too much of in a society that overvalues youth, and undervalues age.

What I wanted to show, instead, is that being older, and old are – in fact – not to be feared, or denied, but to be fully engaged in, enjoyed where possible, and managed in all of its rich complexity. And so, my book covers big ticket items like changes in appearance, retirement as transition, lifestyle choices, sex in old age, taking care of our bodies and our minds – including how to manage challenges such as falls prevention and the possibility of living with dementia – and all the way up to thinking about what each of us would want for a good death.

It also looks at a rich variety of ways in which we can choose to spend the extra time many of us are lucky enough to have, such as on encore careers, volunteering, memoir writing, inter-generational travel, exploring new experiences, joining interesting groups, and becoming an anti-ageism activist.

It’s taken me 13 years of writing, rewriting and weathering all the bumps on the road, including nearly three years of COVID, but here I am now, having had the sheer good luck of finding a publisher and living long enough to get to this point.

And I’m living with what has become my mantra, and the essence of my book: the words of the writer Benjamin Law, when he wrote: “Sure we’re all going to die. But getting old: that’s a privilege, Baby!”

Happily, it’s not just Benjamin and I who think that. My book is filled with a cornucopia of people who’ve variously shown how well they’ve aged, both in managing the sorts of challenges that show that life isn’t always easy, and – at the same time – in making the most of the positives in their lives, in ways that have suited them.

There is no one answer to how to age. Each of us has to work out what works for us as individuals. So, this is by no means a prescriptive rule book – justa guide. What I’ve wanted to provide is a wide range of ideas to stimulate thinking about how each of us can choose to do ageing, in each and all of its main aspects.

My hope is that the older women and men who read my book will find it useful in thinking about their own choices, in managing those consequences of the older ages that might crop up, while making the most of the opportunities and positives that we have as older people.

And, in addition, I hope that it gives younger people insights into what matters in old age, both for their own futures, and – more immediately – to give them more understanding of their older family members and friends, and those with whom they might have a caring relationship.

I do want to mention, too, at this point, that I know that the media is often criticised for the way that older people are largely invisible or presented in a negative or demeaning light. But as you’ll see in my book, things are starting to change there, and we are seeing a lot more positive and realistic messages about ageing matters and about the lives of older people. And that’s something that we should recognise and acknowledge. And, as I’ve mentioned in the last chapter of my book, it's also something that we can each give positive feedback about, to encourage even more of that.

Because, while we are making the most of our own lives, we can also contribute to social change in attitudes to ageing, so that there can come a time when it becomes an accepted thing of pride to acknowledge, simply, being old. And happy about it.

Anne Ring©2022